His Beautiful Life

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Today is Sunday.

Today is Sunday, 5 days after he left this earth. 5 days after our world changed, and it is still as devastating as the moment I found out. My mom only knows how to cry now, my dad tries to be strong. Brian is my rock and I am trying to be the glue. Hold everyone together when all we want to do is fall apart. His obituary was in the newspaper for the first time today and even saying those words puts huge knots in my stomach. Reading it is an entirely different story. But in the midst of this darkness our family had the chance to hear from so many people about the memories they have of our Jason.
A visit yesterday from someone so special to him may have even changed my life.

Chris Flanary had been there for Jason over the past year on such a deeper level than our family even could have tried to be. Their relationship had so many commonalities and they grew to become brothers and though yesterday had been my first time meeting him, i know he already he will be in our family forever. He was with Jason and gave him encouragement and support and accountability when he needed it most, he helped lead Jason the God and was there when he was baptized just a few months ago. He told us how involved Jason was in church and in their life groups and how much he loved Jesus. a side I wish I had been able to experience with him. I sit here and regret missing his baptism because I had to teach, and i regret living in new york because I was never able to see him at Clay Crossings, I couldn't go to his transition or graduation, I never went to Choctaw- all I can think of are these moments I missed and didn't have to. All I can think of is why did I think anything could be more important than him. than family. Chris told us how much Jason helped people fight their own battles and find the Lord and showed patience and kindness to anyone who wanted a second chance. I think he did it because he knew how important that second chance was. is. I couldn't be more thankful for our conversation with Chris. to learn of this special side of my brother. I hate that i didn't even know. none of us even knew. but i believe God gave him his personality and kindness and charisma to make every person he met feel at home. feel comfortable. and he cared so much for his friends and family, even those he had only known a short time. My mom keeps saying "he never met a stranger."

People like Chris really brought out the best in him, even when the situations were the worst. I think he was here on this earth and in our arms even longer because of Chris- and Jeff and LifeChurch and Clay Crossings and anyone else out there that we have not had the chance to meet and thank. We love and miss him so much but our family is so thankful for the 21 years and 10 months we had with him.

In church this morning i felt like the message was saying dont take our time here for granted because we dont know when He is coming back. We dont know when the moment we are living in will turn into our last. and are we ready. have we made our mark? have we done our job? have we served our God they way he designed us to? I know Jaosn did. i know he was ready, and even though we are selfish and miss him and we were not ready to say Goodbye-because of course we never wanted to- Jason was ready. I know he was. i know he is heaven. i know he will guide us through this time. forever. He was such a special person. We are all so lucky to have known him.

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  1. Kelsey-
    I am so thankful to you and Brian for writing your blogs. As we get older and grow up and go on to live our lives people grow apart. However there are some people that will be in your life and in your heart no matter what. Your family is that way for me. I love all of you so much and have so many memories of baseball, dance, wrestling, and Easter Sundays of going to the movies together. We may not all get together very often anymore but you all mean so much to me and my family. You have grown into such a beautiful and amazing woman!

  2. It is incredible to me how truly caring Jason was. I am going to school to become a chemical dependency counselor, and there were so many times that he would call and say hey... I've got this meeting I am leading, please come with me. I wish I would have actually taken the time to go, but I was always working. If only I would have known I would have taken off work to go and be with him. I missed his baptism, I missed the many times he offered to take me to church with him. It's like there are so many things that I would go back and do differently if only I could. And you are very right, Jason did love Chris. I can remember story after story Jason would have of something they did together, whether it be them wrestling around and knocking stuff over, to Lifechurch, or just playing Call of Duty. Chris seemed to really love Jason, and I know for a fact that Jason loved Chris. I am so proud of you Kelsey. I am so proud of the true strength that you are showing when I know inside you are feeling a world of hurt. I am so proud that you are able to give your pain to God, and allow him to heal your broken heart. I am praying for you and your family constantly. Every moment.

  3. Kels,

    There are really no words that can make you feel any better right now. As a mom, I can't even begin to imagine the daily struggle and heartache you are experiencing. You and Brian are giving your mom exactly what she needs...love! Your love is the only thing that will get her through this!!! Lean on your friends right now, let them comfort YOU and let them show you that same love!! People say things happen for a reason and most of the time we can't imagine what could possibly be the reason for the loss of a loved one, but try to remember Jason is in Heaven now. He has no pain, he has no struggles anymore! He's now able to watch and take care of you. He is your own personal angel. Try not to remember the times you wished you had but remember the moments you did! Those are the memories he would want you to have, because those are the memories he takes with him. I love you Kelsey!

    Kim Phillips


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