Today is Sunday, 5 days after he left this earth. 5 days after our world changed, and it is still as devastating as the moment I found out. My mom only knows how to cry now, my dad tries to be strong. Brian is my rock and I am trying to be the glue. Hold everyone together when all we want to do is fall apart. His obituary was in the newspaper for the first time today and even saying those words puts huge knots in my stomach. Reading it is an entirely different story. But in the midst of this darkness our family had the chance to hear from so many people about the memories they have of our Jason.
A visit yesterday from someone so special to him may have even changed my life.
Chris Flanary had been there for Jason over the past year on such a deeper level than our family even could have tried to be. Their relationship had so many commonalities and they grew to become brothers and though yesterday had been my first time meeting him, i know he already he will be in our family forever. He was with Jason and gave him encouragement and support and accountability when he needed it most, he helped lead Jason the God and was there when he was baptized just a few months ago. He told us how involved Jason was in church and in their life groups and how much he loved Jesus. a side I wish I had been able to experience with him. I sit here and regret missing his baptism because I had to teach, and i regret living in new york because I was never able to see him at Clay Crossings, I couldn't go to his transition or graduation, I never went to Choctaw- all I can think of are these moments I missed and didn't have to. All I can think of is why did I think anything could be more important than him. than family. Chris told us how much Jason helped people fight their own battles and find the Lord and showed patience and kindness to anyone who wanted a second chance. I think he did it because he knew how important that second chance was. is. I couldn't be more thankful for our conversation with Chris. to learn of this special side of my brother. I hate that i didn't even know. none of us even knew. but i believe God gave him his personality and kindness and charisma to make every person he met feel at home. feel comfortable. and he cared so much for his friends and family, even those he had only known a short time. My mom keeps saying "he never met a stranger."
People like Chris really brought out the best in him, even when the situations were the worst. I think he was here on this earth and in our arms even longer because of Chris- and Jeff and LifeChurch and Clay Crossings and anyone else out there that we have not had the chance to meet and thank. We love and miss him so much but our family is so thankful for the 21 years and 10 months we had with him.
In church this morning i felt like the message was saying dont take our time here for granted because we dont know when He is coming back. We dont know when the moment we are living in will turn into our last. and are we ready. have we made our mark? have we done our job? have we served our God they way he designed us to? I know Jaosn did. i know he was ready, and even though we are selfish and miss him and we were not ready to say Goodbye-because of course we never wanted to- Jason was ready. I know he was. i know he is heaven. i know he will guide us through this time. forever. He was such a special person. We are all so lucky to have known him.
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