The worst part about the holiday's is not the traffic, or choosing what gifts to get, or trying to find time to see your entire family in one day. It is not the cold weather, or the often icey roads. It is the absence of the person you love so much you can do no more than cry when you think about spending yet another Christmas without them.
Last Christmas was my family's first without Jason. We managed to smile, and made it through. We put up a tree and opened presents. But we didn't hang the stockings. And this year, we seem stronger. Even if maybe we aren't. But still, we don't hang the stockings. And it wasn't until this very moment that I realized just why my mom didn't put them up- because that has always been the part of Christmas morning we look forward to most- but now I realize... and therefore, there are no stockings- and no more complaints. Because what do you do? Do you hang up his stocking or do you leave it in the box, alone while the others are displayed on the mantle? Would being forced to stare at that stocking bring comfort or even more heartache? I realize, it is not worth the test.
I cannot believe December is already ending. Another year passing by, and soon March will role around and mark the very day he left us 2 years prior. 2 years... wow.
Tomorrow I will attending the funeral of a sweet young girl's father who passed this last weekend. I will go to support her and love her the way so many people did for my family and I. I will hug her and remember the exact feeling she will be feeling. I will wipe her tears along with my own in hope that soon she will feel OK again. Next to me will be another young girl who lost her father in May. I'm sure I will hold her hand tightly as we both think of our missing person.
It is so strange that now as an adult, I have the role that I do to these young girls I love so much. I never thought I would have lost someone so special and I hate that they too must suffer that pain. One is 19 and the other just 15, and both now without their fathers. My heart will forever be broken, I just hate that theirs already is too.
Praying the Lord to grant us all peace this season, and the ability to rejoice more and mourn less.