His Beautiful Life

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

We Don't Hang the Stockings

The worst part about the holiday's is not the traffic, or choosing what gifts to get, or trying to find time to see your entire family in one day. It is not the cold weather, or the often icey roads. It is the absence of the person you love so much you can do no more than cry when you think about spending yet another Christmas without them.

Last Christmas was my family's first without Jason. We managed to smile, and made it through. We put up a tree and opened presents. But we didn't hang the stockings. And this year, we seem stronger. Even if maybe we aren't. But still, we don't hang the stockings. And it wasn't until this very moment that I realized just why my mom didn't put them up- because that has always been the part of Christmas morning we look forward to most- but now I realize... and therefore, there are no stockings- and no more complaints. Because what do you do? Do you hang up his stocking or do you leave it in the box, alone while the others are displayed on the mantle? Would being forced to stare at that stocking bring comfort or even more heartache? I realize, it is not worth the test.

I cannot believe December is already ending. Another year passing by, and soon March will role around and mark the very day he left us 2 years prior. 2 years... wow.

Tomorrow I will attending the funeral of a sweet young girl's father who passed this last weekend. I will go to support her and love her the way so many people did for my family and I. I will hug her and remember the exact feeling she will be feeling. I will wipe her tears along with my own in hope that soon she will feel OK again. Next to me will be another young girl who lost her father in May. I'm sure I will hold her hand tightly as we both think of our missing person.

It is so strange that now as an adult, I have the role that I do to these young girls I love so much. I never thought I would have lost someone so special and I hate that they too must suffer that pain. One is 19 and the other just 15, and both now without their fathers. My heart will forever be broken, I just hate that theirs already is too.

Praying the Lord to grant us all peace this season, and the ability to rejoice more and mourn less.


  1. I miss him too. This made me cry. I love you Kels.

  2. I don't even know you personally nor none of these 2 other girls but I feel your pain. And I support the three of you. I hope you'll all be strong girls and a strong family too.
    Prayers will make you safe and maybe not happy but strong enough to accept and live through all these pains.
    Have a Marrey Christmas,
    never forget that the Lord loves you all.

  3. Kelsey, I pray for your family all the time. The stockings are a representation of a missing part of Christmas which is Jason. I understand loss and baby it doesn't get easier, we just somehow get stronger with each passing year. I will pray that one day your family can hang his stocking without feeling overwhelming sorrow. I love your family and in your sorrow of missing Jason, know you all are strong and hold onto each other for strength. Big hugs....

  4. My prayers are with you and your family. It is hard every day and year that passes. Smile and express the memories you shared with Jason, this will help you get stronger with each passing year. Jason was a wonderful young man and he has the most amazing loving family anyone could ask for. Love You All... LesLea

  5. This brought me to tears,It's hard to believe this is the second Christmas without Jason,I prayed for my sisters family during the holiday season,I know it's really hard on them , but some how they seem to make it through another year. May god bless you.I love all of you. Tammy