changing.

About a month ago I checked my email like I normally do every hour or so, but this day my inbox had a special message waiting for me. A girl stumbled across my blog and decided to message me. She hadn't lost her brother like I had, but instead she had two brothers currently alive and healthy. She just wanted to let me know that I had touched her to point the she wanted to be a better sister. To be able to make the most of the moments she can still have to spend with her brothers and family because like most of us do, she had been taking for granted the fact they live so close to one another and rarely see each other. Sometimes a phone call of text message is just not enough.

I haven't made a blog post in quite some time but this email gave me some inspiration to document more of my coping. And missing and loving and tears. of joy and of pain.

Thanksgiving is this week and Christmas just around the corner. This is a special time of year for our family. A time where we are all together and even though we may not be doing anything more than playing with our dogs or watching a christmas movie our parents are forcing us to sit through, its a time we all could count on and look forward to each year.

This year will be the first of many very different and difficult holidays to come. Playing cards at Papa Sue and Papa Clayton's house will always be a moment when i can picture Jason sitting on a chair at the corner of the table, cracking jokes and smiling and trying to beat everyone to a Jubile. And when papa Clayton lets all of us grandkids play for all of his money, I don't think i will even want to compete.

I thought you might be lonely, so dad and I brought fall festivities to you out by the water. Im sure your pumpkin is spoiled by now and your flowers dead, but I know you and Smokey can plug your noses and just laugh. I am still so overcome with sadness. And miss you entirely too much for my heart to handle. And even though its now nearly December, my memories with and of you have only grown stronger.


I have so many things to tell you and show you and so many places I wish i could take you. And One day... we will do it all. I know it.

More posts to come.